Why is the S word such a scary thing to talk about? Get your mind out of the gutter! I’m talking about suicide, not sex. Yes, that “s” word. The one that some people have never said out loud. The one that people don’t want to talk about. Suicide.
Trust me, I get it. It’s a scary thing to talk about, but why? The reason that asking someone if they’re thinking about suicide is scary is because the answer might be yes. If the answer is yes, you’re then faced with having a potential life or death conversation. It’s a serious conversation and addressing their suicidal thoughts might be scary for YOU, but it can also be a relief for the person you’re talking to because it shows that you understand the facts and myths related to suicide, recognize the warning signs, and care enough to have a conversation that most people don’t want to have.
Common Facts and Myths About Suicide
Talking openly about suicide is crucial to breaking down the stigma and misconceptions that surround it. Misinformation can prevent people from seeking help or supporting others who may be struggling. In this section, we’ll explore common myths about suicide and uncover the facts to help promote understanding and awareness. Watch the video below to learn more, and check out the subsections for deeper insights:
Fact: The Word “Commit” Can Contribute to Stigma
Even though the word “commit” is frequently used as an action when people talk about someone who’s died by suicide, it tends to have a negative connotation and can contribute to the stigma associated with suicide. A more appropriate phrase to use would be “someone died by suicide.”
Myth: People Who Talk about Suicide Aren’t Serious About Going Through with It
People who talk about their thoughts of suicide don’t want to continue living with the current difficulties in their lives; it’s not that they necessarily want to die. One of the things that we know about suicide prevention is that most of the time, people can talk themselves out of suicide if they have the opportunity to talk about it, which means they just need someone to listen to them.
Myth: Asking Someone About Suicide Puts the Idea in Their Head
This is actually one of the biggest myths associated with suicide. Humans are not that easy to influence, and naming it isn’t going to make someone’s thoughts about suicide worse. In fact, research actually shows that if you ask someone about suicide, it can provide them with a sense of relief!
Fact: Suicide is Not an Impulse Act
Most suicides are carefully planned and thought about for weeks, months, maybe even years. In fact, some research shows that about 95% of suicides have been carefully thought out before someone dies by suicide, which shows that most of the time, suicide is not an impulsive act.
Myth: All People Considering Suicide Are Fully Intent on Dying
People with thoughts of suicide typically have ambivalent thoughts, which means part of them wants to die, and part of them wants to live. We want to focus on the part of them that wants to live.
Fact: Suicide Rates Are Highest in the Spring
People commonly think suicide rates are highest in the winter around the holidays. However, the reality is that they are highest in the spring. And research shows that that stands true across the country, even in places where it’s frigidly cold throughout the winter.
Fact: 25% of People Who Die by Suicide Leave Notes Behind
When responding to scenes of suicides, a commonly asked question by family members is “did they leave a note?” Unfortunately, when working with survivors of suicide loss and notes are left behind, they tend to bring more questions instead of providing answers.
Fact: Suicide is The 2nd Leading Cause of Death For Children Ages 10 to 14
Suicide is a public health issue that significantly impacts our country’s youth. Having the conversation with our youth about suicide is an important part of suicide prevention.
Common Warning Signs of Suicide
The challenge is that most people don’t know how to talk about suicide. They don’t know what to say if someone shows warning signs…. and many people don’t even know what warning signs are.
Warning signs are things that we can observe in others that might indicate that they are thinking about suicide. Warning signs can be things that people think, feel, or behaviors that they display.
What They Might Say
• I just want to die
• I don’t see how things will get any better
• What’s the point of living?
• I want to go to sleep and not wake up
• They’d be better off without me
• I feel trapped
Feelings They May Experience
● Hopeless
● Helpless
● Numb
● Trapped
● Burdensome
● Unbearable psychological pain
Behaviors They Might Display
• Increased alcohol or drug use
• Preparatory behaviors (gathering pills, purchasing gun, research)
• Withdrawing from activities
• Isolating from family and friends
• Sleeping or eating too much or too little
• Visiting or calling people to say goodbye
• Giving away possessions
• Increased aggression or anger
Now that you understand some of the most common suicide warning signs, it’s helpful to know what to do if you recognize any of these signs. Remember, these signs MIGHT mean that someone is thinking of suicide, it’s not guaranteed. The only way to know for sure if someone is thinking about suicide is to ask them!
Three Easy Steps: What to Say to Someone Who is Suicidal
Starting a conversation about suicide can feel overwhelming, but asking someone if they’re feeling suicidal is one of the most important steps you can take to help. It’s a direct, compassionate way to show that you care and that they’re not alone. In this section, we’ll guide you through three steps for how to approach this sensitive topic and provide examples to make the conversation feel more supportive and effective.
1. Show Them the Evidence
Tell them what you’ve noticed about their behavior and why you’re asking about suicide. Often, people are concerned that someone might get angry when you ask them about suicide. This is not typically the case, but if it was, by showing them the evidence, you mitigate the opportunity for them to respond and say, “What?! Why are you asking that?!”
Example: I’ve noticed that you’ve been showing up late for work, you’ve lost a lot of weight, and I know that you and your wife have been struggling to connect lately.
2. Normalize Their Thoughts
I like to tell people that given the circumstances (the evidence you just showed them), it’s understandable that they might be thinking about suicide. Example: In any of those situations, someone may be thinking about suicide.
3. Ask Them Directly
When asking someone about suicide, it’s important to be direct. We want to show the person that we’re comfortable talking about suicide and that we’re there to listen. This is why it’s important to be direct and say “Are you thinking about suicide?” or “Are you thinking about killing yourself?”
All together, it sounds like this:
I’ve noticed that you’ve been showing up late for work, you’ve lost a lot of weight, and I know that you and your wife have been struggling to connect lately. In any of those situations, someone may be thinking about suicide. Are you thinking about suicide?
Having a Conversation with Someone Who’s Thinking About Suicide
When you’re having a conversation with someone who’s thinking about suicide, remembering the following tips may be helpful:
- Treat it like any other conversation
- Be genuine and non-judgemental
- Be an understanding, active listener
- Ask for help if needed
- Connect to resources
If you’re talking to someone with thoughts of suicide and need extra help, you or the person with thoughts of suicide can call or text 988, the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
