The holidays are a time for celebration, connection, and often, stress. As therapists Miranda Barker, LICSW, Dr. Lucas Volini, LMFT and Letisha Harris, MA discuss in a recent “Therapist Thrival Guide” episode, the holiday season can bring a unique set of challenges when it comes to family dynamics.
If you’re dreading this year’s holiday gatherings or looking for ways to better navigate the complex web of family relationships, here are some key takeaways and actionable steps to make for a more joyous and peaceful season.
Understanding Expectations and Setting Boundaries
Listen– It’s all about managing expectations and setting appropriate boundaries. Whether it’s the high pressure to have the perfect holiday or family expectations that don’t align with your reality, setting boundaries can be crucial.
Identify and Communicate Expectations
Start by understanding both your external and internal expectations. Evaluate what expectations are realistic and ones that might need to be adjusted or thrown to the wayside. Communicate with family members to preempt confusion and stress (i.e. “We’ll be coming into town on Friday morning, but we need to leave by Sunday at 4pm” or “I’m really hoping that we can decorate cookies when we’re together”).
Set Realistic Boundaries
It’s important to establish what you are comfortable with this holiday season. Whether it’s deciding to stay at a hotel instead of with family or limiting the length of stay, understand your limits and communicate them thoughtfully. (i.e. “We are looking forward to seeing everyone, but I’d rather not talk about [insert stressor] while we’re in town.”).
Be Comfortable with Discomfort
Recognize that some level of discomfort may be unavoidable. Embrace it as part of the process and focus on maintaining your peace and happiness. Have some go-to responses if you notice they’re crossing the line (i.e. “I thought we agreed not to talk about that this week” or “I’d rather not get into that today”).
Holidays can be stressful! We’re here to help you navigate the madness. Find an Ellie location near you and get matched with a therapist today.
5 Practical Tips for the Holidays from Therapists
- Talk with your partner and family about what traditions hold meaning for you and which ones you wish to carry forward or ones that you should perhaps let go.
- Allow for new traditions to emerge, which may mean breaking away from old ones. This flexibility can ease stress and foster a more enjoyable experience.
- Prioritize your holiday time with those that lift you up and decrease your stress.
- Focus on the current holiday season without worrying too much about future gatherings. Try to be present.
- Incorporate activities that ground you, such as daily walks or quiet coffee breaks, to manage stress levels… And maybe make a preemptive therapy appointment for when you get back.
- If you’re dealing with grief or loss around this holiday season, take it extra easy this year. Consider ways to involve your loved one’s memory into celebrations or traditions.
Effective Communication with In-Laws and Extended Family
In-laws and extended family can often add another layer of complexity to holiday gatherings.
Open the Dialogue
Encourage open communication and address any underlying tensions. This could involve having direct conversations that may feel risky but are necessary for long-term peace.
Involve Your Partner in Communication
When interacting with your partner’s family, ensure that your partner is an active participant in any challenging conversations to prevent miscommunication and foster united decision-making. In fact, we often recommend that you are primary communicator with your family and your partner is the primary communicator for their family.
Maintain a Sense of Humor
Find humor in the chaos and the absurdity of the holidays. Lightheartedness can be a powerful tool in defusing tension.
Final Thoughts
The holidays can be a wonderful yet challenging time. By taking these tips, reflecting on your own holiday experiences, and setting clear expectations and boundaries, you can transform stress into joy and create meaningful connections with your family. Remember, the goal isn’t to have a perfect, Hallmark-Christmas-movie of a holiday… it’s to have a holiday season that reflects your desires and values.
Holidays can be stressful! We’re here to help you navigate the madness. Find an Ellie location near you and get matched with a therapist today.
