Taking care of your mental health is important and shouldn’t be ignored. We don’t always realize we’re struggling and having a loved one check in with us about their observations and concerns can be an important step toward getting the help we need. If you are concerned about the mental health of a loved one, it is important to approach the situation with compassion and care. Having a conversation about mental health can be difficult, but it is crucial to address it and provide support.
Mental Health Concerns and Warning Signs
Have you had recent concerns about a loved one’s mental health? Maybe you’ve noticed that they haven’t been acting like themselves, or they have been more isolated recently. It can be helpful to educate yourself about some of the warning signs that they are struggling with their mental health:
- Missing work or social events
- Sleeping or eating too much or too little
- Increased anger or irritability
- Not leaving home as much as usual
- Increased drug or alcohol use
- Decrease in self-care or neglecting personal hygiene
- Mental health can even affect physical health and cause pain or illness
Every person is different, but if you are noticing some of these signs, you might feel compelled to say something or reach out. It can be difficult to know how to even start the conversation about mental health. In many families and communities, there is still a stigma associated with mental illness or reaching out for help. Consequently, it can be difficult to know what to say, but you don’t have to be an expert, or therapist, or a trained professional to have a conversation with someone about their mental health. The best thing you can do is reassure them that you are there for them and that you care about them. If you want to do more, but aren’t sure where to start, here are a few suggestions.
If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, don’t hesitate to reach out! Schedule an appointment at one of our clinics nationwide today.
5 Tips for Talking to Someone About Their Mental Health
- Express your concerns in a loving, supportive and non-confrontational manner. Your loved one may be experiencing feelings of shame, guilt, or embarrassment, so it is essential to be gentle and supportive.
- Focus on the specific signs & symptoms that cause you to be concerned (i.e. “I’ve noticed that you aren’t leaving the house as much as usual” or “You mentioned you’re not sleeping much, is everything ok?”)
- Remember to use “I” or “I feel” statements instead of using accusatory “you” statements and avoid giving simple solutions (i.e. I feel worried when I don’t hear from you for long periods of time”, “I’ve been worried about you recently,” NOT: “If you’d just calm down then everything would be better”)
- Normalize it (i.e. “It’s normal to feel this way when that happens” or “A lot of people feel hopeless this time of year”)
- Avoid Judgment and Criticism: Avoid using language that could be interpreted as critical or dismissive, since that could cause more harm (i.e. “You’re being too sensitive,” “You need to toughen up,” or “Just snap out of it.”).
Offering support can look different depending on the person and your relationship. For example, if you are looking to have a more specific conversation with your child about mental health, you might need to make small tweaks depending on their openness to the subject or even to account for age-appropriateness. For some people, just talking about their mental health struggles can be helpful. For others, they might need a little more help around the house, with their kids, or finding a therapist or medication provider (for someone that is struggling with their mental health, it’s often overwhelming or difficult to know where to start when seeking out mental health care!). Offering a variety of different support options is a good way to start.
Mental Health Questions for Discussion: Conversation Starters
We get it- talking about mental health can be awkward. But it doesn’t have to be and we want to help you navigate those important conversations with your loved ones! In this section, you’ll find conversation starters and example dialogues to make discussing mental health feel a little less daunting and a lot more natural. Because caring for someone’s well-being shouldn’t be complicated.
Examples of mental health conversation starters include:
- “I’ve noticed that you haven’t been acting like yourself recently, is everything ok?”
- “You mentioned that you haven’t been leaving the house a lot this week– are you feeling ok?”
- “This time of year is really hard for me sometimes, how have you been coping with things?”
- “It sounds like work has been really overwhelming, how are you holding up?”
- “Politics can be really mentally exhausting, has it been this way for you?”
- “I’ve been worried about how you’re balancing all of these changes– are you doing ok?”
Examples of Conversations About Mental Health
Still not sure how to approach things? Here’s an example conversation that might help you navigate some different scenarios or responses.
Start the conversation by pointing out your observation without any judgment: “Hey, I haven’t heard from you in awhile and I know things have been difficult recently. How have you been doing?”
If your loved one seems hesitant to answer or if they say something like, “Oh I don’t want to bother you with my problems,” Then you might respond with reassurance: “I care about you so I’m here to support and help you however I can.”
If they continue to brush things off, say something like, “Well I’m here to talk whenever you need a listening ear.”
If they do decide to open up about how things have truly been, it’s important to listen with empathy and not just jump into problem-solving-mode. Don’t just try to fix things– usually what people really need is just someone to be present. If they say: “Yeah, I’ve feel like I’ve just been in this funk recently. I’ve been crying for no reason and not had the energy to get out of bed,” then you could respond something like, “It’s normal to feel this way sometimes. I’m sorry you’re going through that.”
As a therapist in situations like this, sometimes I like to use a question skill called “exception questions.” This is when you ask about when they’re struggle has been present and try to tease out what might have been different at those times: “When was the last time you felt better?” or “Tell me about the last good day you had.” Then a follow up question might be, “What was different then?”
Encourage professional help: You could say something like, “Hey, have you thought about talking to someone who can really help?” or “I have found talking about this stuff with my therapist about this to be really helpful.”
Maybe you’re concerned, but you’re uncomfortable reaching out in person? Here’s an example of a text conversation you could have if you’re concerned about a loved one’s mental health:
Start the conversation off with what you’re noticing: “Hey! I’ve been thinking about you and have noticed you’ve missed a lot of classes recently. How are you doing?” (It can be helpful to ask an open-ended question that prompts more than just a yes or no response)
If they respond that they’ve been busy or haven’t been doing well, try to normalize things or ask more questions: “It’s totally normal to feel overwhelmed this time of year. How are you holding up?”
If they open up and share that they’ve been struggling, try not to just jump into offering solutions, but instead offer support: “I’m sorry things have been tough recently. Would it help if I called and just listened?” Sometimes a listening ear is exactly what a friend needs when they’re struggling.
If you’ve been through a similar struggle or had a positive experience with therapy or medication, it might be helpful to share that: “When I’m feeling down or overwhelmed, talking to a therapist might be helpful.”
If they just became a parent, try suggesting counseling for new parents.
Ok, but maybe you’re thinking, “What if the person I’m concerned about is an employee or peer at work? Can I ask them about their mental health?” Here’s a handy-dandy downloadable for you to reference.
Talking About Suicide
One of our therapists and suicidologists at Ellie, Dr. Brittany Miskowiec says, “one of the most common myths about suicide is that talking about it will put the idea in someone’s head.” But that’s not true. For many, being asked about suicide and how they’re doing can give them some relief to actually talk about things. If you are concerned that a loved one might be contemplating suicide, read our blog post about how to talk to others about suicide.
Of course, if you’re talking to someone with thoughts of suicide, you, or the person with thoughts of suicide can call or text 988, the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
Finding Support for Yourself
It’s not easy to see a loved one struggle, and sometimes we get so caught up in helping them that we forget to care for ourselves. Remind yourself that you can care about another person, be a support for them, and offer help when you can, but ultimately, you can’t make someone get help. It’s also important to make sure you aren’t sacrificing your own mental health in an effort to help someone else with theirs. It’s always a good idea to check in with a therapist if you find yourself needing some extra support or joining a support group through NAMI.
Having a conversation with a loved one about mental health can be challenging, but it is necessary to provide support and guidance. By following these tips and having the bravery to reach out, you are decreasing the stigma around mental health and showing your loved one that you care. Remember that mental health is a journey, and it is important to be patient, supportive, and understanding.
