Understanding Father’s Day Grief
Holidays often revolve around togetherness: family, love, traditions, and shared memories, which is beautiful, but also incredibly hard for anyone who’s grieving. Father’s Day especially can stir up a lot of emotions, whether you’ve lost your dad, your child, or had a complicated relationship with either. For some, it’s not just about who’s missing. It’s about what it could have been. The moments that never happened to celebrate. The desire for just a little more time for one more conversation or one more shared moment is great. Also, this day becomes a time for reflection on the values and ideas once shared, the emotional connection that nurtured the relationship, or gratitude for whatever presence their father was able to offer. Father’s Day grief can also stir up feelings of anger, especially if the loss was sudden. There’s often confusion around how to grieve to move forward or how to live with unanswered questions.
This blog, “How to Help Kids Navigate Through Grief and Loss,” outlines signs and symptoms of grief that are helpful for developing greater emotional awareness for kids, although a lot of the same signs apply for adults. These signs can include:
- Withdrawing from friends
- Losing interest in previously enjoyed activities
- Difficulty managing everyday tasks, especially around the holidays.
- Emotional responses of irritability, anger, chronic fatigue, anxiety attacks, suicidal thoughts, and persistent sadness or hopelessness
- Symptoms of depression like bargaining behaviors, denial, or intense, high-energy behavior
- Frequent stomachaches, headaches, to swollen lymph nodes behind the ears or around the neck.
In addition, expressions of a desire to “join” the loved one, playing risky or death-themed games, or asking specific, detailed questions about death that may indicate a deeper concern or intention.
Awareness of these signs allows us to offer more compassion and support for ourselves and those we care for early on.
So, when Father’s Day feels complicated or painful, how do you take care of yourself? What does support actually look like?
Personal Rituals to Honor and Heal
Incorporating a Father’s Day ritual can offer comfort while navigating grief by creating a feeling of being grounded and emotional autonomy during a time that may feel overwhelming. These rituals provide a way to honor our emotions with care and make space for the vulnerability that grief often brings. When we take time to feel what’s coming up and connect it to the memories and meaning of the relationship, we give ourselves a gift of presence and compassion to grieve. Memorial rituals serve as a sacred act of remembrance by honoring the bond that once was, while inviting reflection and tender memories that still live within us.
Looking for meaningful ways to honor your dad this Father’s Day? Here are a few personal remembrance rituals you can try, drawn from Hospice Orillia and Be Ceremonial:
- Memory Box: Put together items like pictures, old letters, or small objects that remind you of your father.
- Letter Writing: Writing a letter to your dad helps by putting your thoughts on paper as a healing outlet.
- Time in Nature: Visit a spot that reminds you of him and hold space for yourself to bask in the memories.
- Give Back: Volunteer with organizations that support children or fathers as a way to give meaning to the day.
- Share Stories About Your Dad: Share memories or funny stories with others keeps his spirit present.
- Light a Candle in His Honor: Personalize a candle or lantern and light it during a quiet moment of reflection on your dad.
- Visit His Favorite Place: Go somewhere that meant something to him as that helps to feel a connection to dad by walking in his past steps
- Cook His Favorite Meal: Make his favorite meal and share the significance behind it with loved ones or journal about the experience.
Self-Care and Coping Strategies
Looking for creative ways to remember dad on Father’s Day while also caring for yourself through the emotional complexity of the day? Check out these tips based on this article.
- Acknowledge your emotions- it reminds us that our feelings are valid. It’s okay to grieve not only the relationship for what it was, but also for what it could have been.
- Practicing self-compassion encourages us not to rush the grieving process, but to hold space for ourselves with softness. Treat yourself the way you treat a friend with tenderness, patience, and grace.
- Create a meaningful ritual or find symbolic ways to express what may feel too heavy to say out loud. Writing a letter or lighting a candle in remembrance are acts that can help foster a deeper connection, release, or closure.
- A self-care routine filled with the things you love can help ground and nourish you through the day.
- Journaling or recording a voice memo can be a powerful decompressing outlet by giving your thoughts and emotions room to breathe without judgment
- Honoring your personal grief journey because your path is your own. No one else had the exact relationship you had, and no one else will grieve in the exact way you do.
- Have faith that in time, your healing will reflect your strength and resilience.
- Lean on supportive people in your family, friends, or social network can offer comfort and connection. You don’t have to carry it all by yourself.
When to Seek Professional Help
The National Institute of Mental Health outlines key indicators of depression that can be helpful to be mindful of during emotionally delicate times such as Father’s Day. They are:
- Low or flat mood lasting longer than six months
- Hopeless outlook on life
- Irritability or emotional outbursts
- Feelings of shame, guilt, or low self-worth
- Disinterest in things that once brought joy
- Physical Exhaustion and/or Mental Exhaustion
- Trouble focusing, remembering, or following through
- Troubles with sleeping sleep (too little or too much)
- Sudden weight shifts or eating changes
- Persistent body aches or stomach issues without medical cause
- Thoughts of death, dying, or suicide
- Risky behavior or substance use
- Withdrawing from loved ones and responsibilities
- Lower or inexistent sex drive or intimacy
It should be noted that depression often appears differently depending on age and gender. Children may seem clingy or anxious. Teens might become withdrawn or rebellious. Men might express distress through anger rather than sadness. Older adults may appear emotionally numb or complain of vague physical symptoms.
For more insight into what depression can look like across different life stages and genders, and how to get support, visit the NIMH Depression Guide.
What Type of Therapy is Right for Me?
When it comes to seeking mental health support for grief, there are a variety of therapy approaches that can be tailored to meet the context and intensity of what you’re experiencing.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – helpful for identifying and reconstructing unhelpful thought patterns. CBT supports grief work by guiding you to recognize unhelpful thought patterns that may be keeping you stuck or avoiding your pain altogether.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) – focuses on emotional regulation and distress tolerance. DBT is a great fit if you feel emotionally overwhelmed or struggle with impulsive reactions, which can spike during the grieving process.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) – often used for processing traumatic memories
Brainspotting – a body-based approach that helps process deep emotional pain. This therapy type offers a powerful route to uncover and shift where grief may be held in the body and mind to tap into deeper emotional release.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) – encourages acceptance of emotions, value alignment, and values-driven action. ACT principles making peace with your thoughts and emotions, including grief, while moving forward with a life rooted in your core values, especially if you tend to shut down or overthink.
Psychodynamic Therapy – explores how past experiences may be influencing present grief. Psychodynamic therapy can provide greater insight if you want to explore the origins of your emotional pain and how your history may shape your experience of loss.
Humanistic Therapy – emphasizes personal growth and the human experience of grieving. Humanistic therapy offers a safe and supportive environment to process, feel, and heal for those looking for a compassionate, heart-centered space to navigate the complexity of their emotions.
Each of these therapy modalities can be helpful for navigating grief in their own distinct way. For a deeper guide, check out this blog post.
Tips for Finding the Right Therapist Fit
Finding the right therapist to support you on your journey is a crucial step toward grief counseling. To take some of the hassle out of the search process, consider the following tips:
- Take time to identify specific issues you’d like to work through in therapy and what outcomes you’re hoping to achieve.
- If you plan to use health insurance, check your provider’s mental health coverage. You can also use therapist directories like Psychology Today, Grow Therapy, or contact trusted friends, family, or healthcare providers for referrals.
- Look into potential therapists to ensure their areas of specialization match your needs. Read through their bios or websites to see if their approach, tone, or philosophy feels like a good fit for your therapy goals.
- Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask therapists about their experience working with similar issues, the types of therapy they offer, the modalities they use, and their payment options or sliding scale policies.
- The vibe you get matters. Feeling safe, seen, and supported in the therapeutic relationship is essential to making progress to your goals.
Father’s Day can be emotionally tender, so let’s be mindful to extend grace and compassion to ourselves and others.
