Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is one of those acronyms in the world of mental health that you might hear about a lot, but you’re not sure exactly what it means or what it’s used for.
Whether you’re navigating big emotions, trying to improve your relationships, or just looking for better ways to handle stress, DBT has tools that can help. And the best part? These skills aren’t just for therapy sessions; they’re meant to be used in everyday life.
In this post, we’ll break down the key components of DBT and how you can start using them right away. No complicated jargon, just practical strategies you can put into action.
Listen to our podcast episode about DBT here:
What is DBT, and How Does It Work?
DBT is a structured, skill-based therapy designed to help people regulate emotions, tolerate distress, communicate effectively, and stay present in the moment. Originally developed for individuals with borderline personality disorder (it’s founder was actually diagnosed with BPD and created it based on what works for her!), DBT has since proven to be incredibly effective for a wide range of mental health challenges, including anxiety, depression, and trauma.
So, why do people love DBT? Because it’s practical. You walk away from each session with concrete skills and tools you can practice when life throws curveballs.
The Four Core Skills of DBT
DBT is built around four core areas:
1. Mindfulness: Becoming More Present
“Mindfulness is not meditation, it’s the act of being in the moment.” Shelby Finley shares on our DBT podcast episode. Mindfulness is about paying attention to what’s happening, but without getting caught up in judgment or distractions.
Think of it as mental decluttering: giving your brain some breathing room so you can respond to situations with clarity instead of reacting impulsively.
2. Distress Tolerance: Handling Tough Moments
Life is full of stressful situations. Distress tolerance skills help you ride out emotional storms when you’re in crisis or feeling like your anxiety is at a 10.
Our favorite go-to distress tolerance technique? The TIPP Method:
- Temperature change (splash cold water on your face, hold an ice cube, taking a cold shower)
- Intense exercise (jumping jacks, running up stairs, anything to burn off excess energy)
- Paced breathing (slow, deep breaths)
- Progressive muscle relaxation (muscle relaxation)
These simple strategies can help calm your nervous system and bring you back to calm.
3. Interpersonal Effectiveness: Communicating Without the Drama
This portion of DBT is all about teaching effective communication. Everyone struggles at times with getting their needs met and being vulnerable about what you need at times…. DBT helps you recognize what you need and express yourself clearly and assertively without bulldozing others and damaging relationships.
Think of it as learning to say, “Hey, I need this,” without guilt or unnecessary apologizing (seriously, you don’t need to say sorry for existing).
Shelby shared in the podcast interview: “Your needs are valid and your needs are acceptable. Someone who may think they have borderline personality disorder or traits may think, ‘There’s something wrong with me.’ And typically they’ve been told that throughout their life and made to feel that way.” DBT helps you communicate effectively and, if needed, to find radical acceptance when others can’t meet your needs.
4. Emotion Regulation: Managing Feelings Before They Manage You
Emotions are a normal part of being human, but they don’t have to dictate your entire day. Emotion regulation skills help you recognize, understand, and manage your feelings in a healthy way—so you’re not stuck in a cycle of emotional overwhelm.
Another popular DBT tool is called “Check the Facts” (because sometimes our emotions are based on assumptions rather than reality). Ask yourself:
- What happened? (Stick to the facts, no assumptions.)
- Is there evidence supporting my thoughts?
- Is there evidence against my thoughts?
Taking a step back to assess what’s actually happening can help you respond more effectively and not act impulsively.
How to Start Using DBT in Everyday Life
The beauty of DBT is that you don’t need a PhD in psychology to start using it. There are tons of books, worksheets, and online resources to help you practice these skills. Even small changes like taking a mindful breath before reacting to a stressful situation can make a difference.
If you want more personalized guidance, working with a therapist trained in DBT can help you integrate these skills in a way that fits your specific needs.
Final Thoughts
DBT isn’t just a therapy framework– it’s a toolbox full of skills. Whether you’re struggling with big emotions, tricky relationships, or just want to feel more in control of your responses, these skills can help.
If you’re curious to learn more, talk to a therapist who specializes in DBT by finding a location near you. The skills are out there, and they’re worth exploring.
