How to Help and Support a Friend with Depression

Let’s dive into something super important but often swept under the rug: recognizing if your friend is battling depression and how you can be their support. We all have those days when the world feels gloomy, but if your friend’s down-in-the-dumps mood seems to be sticking around, it’s time to pay attention.

Depression can be sneaky, showing up as more than just the blues. You might be noticing changes in sleep, eating habits, and even their interest in things they used to love.

But don’t worry, you don’t need a psychology degree to help (although encouraging them to seek therapy is going to be helpful for them too). Just being there, offering a non-judgmental ear, and knowing when to nudge them towards professional help can make all the difference. So, grab a coffee, get comfy, and let’s chat about how to be the best damn friend you can be.

How to Tell if Your Friend is Depressed

Have you had concerns about your friend’s mental health recently? Maybe they haven’t been acting like themselves recently or they seem more down or hopeless than usual. It can feel odd when they seem out of sorts, but it’s super helpful to familiarize yourself with the signs of depression and learn how to provide support if your friend is going through a tough time.

Signs Your Friend is Depressed

Feeling Sad: They may appear down, sad, and tearful, finding less joy in activities that used to bring them happiness.
Hopelessness: They could express feelings of emptiness, feeling worthless, or feeling stuck. They might say things like, “I feel lost in life” or “I feel stuck in life.”
Sleep Troubles: They may be sleeping more than usual, oversleeping, or having difficulty sleeping.
Physical Complaints: They may report headaches, pains, or digestive issues.
Irritability: They might exhibit more irritability than usual, like being quick to snap at you.
Self-Esteem: They may exhibit low self-esteem or engage in more reckless behavior. You might hear them say things like, “I feel like no one likes me” or “I feel broken.”
Trouble Focusing: They might appear distracted or restless, or talking about finding it hard to concentrate on tasks.

If you are worried about your friend’s mental health, it can be helpful to say something to them and offer support. It might feel awkward to bring it up, but it can make a huge difference.

Questions to Ask a Person with Depression

If you are noticing some of these signs, you might feel compelled to say something or reach out. First step is to point out what you’re noticing and share your concern:

“Hey, you haven’t really been seeming like yourself recently. I’m here if you need to talk.”
“I’ve noticed that you haven’t been hanging out with people as much as usual, are you feeling ok?”
“You mentioned you haven’t been sleeping much, is everything ok?”
“I’ve been worried about you recently. How are you doing?”
“I haven’t seen you around much, how are you holding up?”

For more information on how to start the conversation and express your concerns, visit our blog post on how to start a conversation about mental health to discover how you can express your concerns in a loving, supportive and non-confrontational manner.

Things NOT to Say to a Depressed Person

You might feel the urge to say things like “get over it” or “”You have nothing to be sad about.” If you’re supporting a loved one dealing with depression (which seems to be the case since you’re here), here are some phrases to avoid:

“Just try to think positively”
“Wow you finally got out of bed.”
“You have it a lot better off than others”
“Medication will only be a crutch, you need to get through this on your own”
“I started drinking tea and it cured my depression”
“Why can’t you just get better?”

What to Say to a Depressed Friend

Ok, obviously if we’re going to talk about what NOT to say to a friend struggling with depression, we’re going to share what to say instead. There’s nothing you can say that will cure your friend’s depression, but here are some things that our therapists recommend saying:

“I’m here no matter what.”
“You aren’t alone in this.”
“It’s ok to cry and feel sad.”
“I’m just here to listen.”
“I’m coming by with groceries.”
“Want to go for a walk with me?”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I know things are hard right now, but you’ll get through this.”
“I love you.”

How to Support Someone with Depression

There are lots of ways that you can show up for your friend when they are struggling, but not sure how to help? First of all, kudos to you for wanting to be there for them!

It’s a big deal, and sometimes just showing up is half the battle. Here are some tips to keep in mind:

Just Listen, Don’t Try to Fix: It’s tempting to play the hero and try to solve all their problems, but sometimes all your friend needs is someone to vent to. Let them talk, cry, or even just sit in silence. Your job isn’t to fix them; it’s to be there with them. Think of it like being a co-pilot. You’re there to support, not take control of the flight.
Check-In, But Don’t Hover: You want to keep in touch, but don’t be a helicopter friend. A simple “Hey, thinking about you. How’re you holding up?” can do wonders. It shows you care without being overbearing. If they don’t respond right away, don’t sweat it. They’ll reach out when they’re ready.
Encourage Professional Help: Look, you’re awesome, but you’re not a therapist (unless you are, in which case, kudos again!). Gently suggest that they talk to a mental health professional. It’s not about pushing them, but more about opening the door for them to consider it. You could say something like, “Hey, have you thought about talking to someone who’s really good at this stuff?”
Be There For the Little Things: Sometimes, depression makes even the smallest tasks feel monumental. Offer to help with groceries, or just hang out and watch their favorite show. Little gestures can mean a lot and can help break up the isolation they might be feeling.
Take Care of Yourself Too: Supporting a friend can be emotionally draining. Make sure you’re also taking care of your own mental health. It’s like the airplane oxygen mask rule: put on your own mask before assisting others. You can’t pour from an empty cup, you know?

Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers. Just being there, showing empathy, and offering a shoulder to lean on can be a lifeline for someone struggling with depression. You got this, and so does your friend.

Get matched with the perfect therapist for your needs at Ellie Mental Health using the link below.

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Navigating Depression Together

Remember, you don’t have to have it all figured out and say all of the perfect things all of the time. The most important thing you can do to help someone with depression is to be present, be supportive, be empathetic, and take care of yourself too. Your friendship and support is crucial!