Let’s talk about the tough stuff – grief and loss. Nobody’s immune, not even kids. As therapists, we’re often in the trenches, helping young ones navigate these big, scary feelings. In this post, we’re serving up some real-world advice and insights to help therapists support kiddos dealing with the heavy stuff. It’s not all doom and gloom though, promise. In this post, we’ll explore practical tips and insights that can help therapists support children dealing with grief and loss.
Understanding Grief in Children
Grief in children can manifest differently than in adults. Jordan Mealey, a licensed professional counselor, emphasizes that while there are similarities, the expression of grief can vary widely. She mentions, “We are going to notice behavior changes that are related to grieving. Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, and sleep disturbance are common across the lifespan, including in children.”
For teens, it will look similar and may be paired with more rebellion, acting out, or pushing boundaries. The most important thing to remember for kids and teens is that behavior is language. They are always communicating with their actions, even if they’re not using words.
Curious about other signs that you kids are struggling through grief? Check out our deep-dive blog post here.
First Steps: Creating a Safe Space
It’s essential to create a safe and supportive environment for children to express their grief. Miranda, a licensed clinical social worker, reflects on the importance of patience during this time:
“Let’s not force the child to talk. Let’s just be patient and let them come to a point where maybe they want to. In the same token though, we are the adults. So let’s go first. Let’s tell our child, your child, the client, about our own grief. Make it safe for the child to open up, and again, when they’re ready to.”
Practical Tips for Therapists
1. Validate Their Emotions:
Recognize and validate the child’s emotions without judgment. Simple acknowledgments like, “I see that you’re feeling sad, and it’s okay to feel this way,” can make a significant difference. Jordan underscores this by stating, “Listening with our heart instead of our head and recognizing grief is emotional, not intellectual, is key.”
2. Use Visual Tools:
Miranda highlights the benefit of using visual aids: “If they don’t have the words, they can recognize it either by… a feelings chart.” Visual tools like a feelings wheel or chart can help children identify and articulate their emotions.
3. Incorporate Grief Art Therapy Activities:
Using art, music, and crafts can be powerful non-verbal ways for children to process their grief. Jordan shares how she utilizes creative methods:
“We’ll often make soundtracks. The child chooses their songs, and then we talk about why those songs were chosen. We’ll discuss how on CDs, bands used to give a little biography about them. I’ll ask the child to write a biography about the loss. This CD or soundtrack becomes a tangible way for them to express and process their feelings.”
There are numerous kinds of grief art activities that can be used in sessions. Our art therapists recommended this ideas:
“One activity you could do is to support processing the various parts that they’re grieving (loss of a friend/relative and what they brought to the world or the child involved). You can use a piece of posterboard or construction paper, or even a clay pot. Have them tear the paper, or carefully break the pot into smaller pieces using a hammer. Using a sharpie or regular marker, have them write on one side of the paper or pot their emotions experienced in losing their loved one (this could be tricky with the paper) and on the outside write and draw their sources of support (family, friends, play outside, etc). Then, tape (paper) or hot glue the pieces back together. Talk about how they may feel broken in grief and can be put back together again, yet forever changed.” – Chelsea Wire, MA Art Therapy Counseling/LPC
4. Find Books About Grief
Use books about grief to help normalize this experience. We have a huge list of book recommendation on this topic for you here.
5. Engaging Families in the Process
Involving family members is crucial, as grief often impacts the entire family unit. Jordan advises:
“It’s silly and unrealistic to expect that this child or adolescent is going to continue on doing what we’re working on together if the family system or the person they’re living with is not actively involved in creating a consistent message and change with them.”
Here are some strategies to support the whole family that’s grieving:
1. Share Personal Experiences:
Encourage parents and guardians to share their own feelings and experiences with grief. Jordan suggests, “As the adult, sharing our own experience, our own emotional truth with that grief, or with grief that may be similar, can go a long way.” This can also help the child feel like they’re not alone in their feelings and that it’s normal to be sad sometimes, especially when there has been a big loss in their lives.
2. Establish Memorials:
Creating a special place in the home to remember a lost loved one can be very healing. Jordan highlights using memory bears or pillows made from the clothing of the deceased. This tangible item can provide comfort and a way to keep the memory alive.
3. Open Communication:
Facilitate open and honest communication within the family. Miranda points out, “Having a parent or caretaker as a part of that conversation makes a lot of sense just to see where they’re at and how they approach that conversation.”
Need help navigating a loss? Find grief counseling near you through Ellie.
Prompts for Grief Journals
Using grief journals can be an effective adjunct to therapy, helping children and adolescents process their emotions between sessions. Jordan provides some useful prompts:
– “My grief looks like ______.”
– “Where do I feel my grief?”
– “This loss means to me ______.”
– “My life has changed in the following ways since the loss ______.”
– “Something I liked about the person I lost…”
– “Here are things I wish [the deceased] got to see or be a part of ______.”
– “Right now I feel___”
– “Acceptance looks like…”
– “I feel saddest when ___”
– “Since the loss, things have been different because ____”
– “My family talks about the loss this way…”
Looking for ways to incorporate this into a session—we have a grief worksheet for that! Download it here.
Addressing Cultural and Religious Beliefs
It is important to acknowledge and respect the cultural and religious beliefs that surround death and loss. Jordan emphasizes the need for understanding these beliefs:
“I’m also giving them some of the psychoeducation on the evidence-based pieces of grief recovery method that I may use. Not in any way to challenge their way but to integrate the two respectfully.”
Final Thoughts
Navigating the choppy waters of grief and loss with kids? It’s a delicate dance that needs a truckload of sensitivity, heaps of patience, and a dash of creativity. It’s about letting their emotions take center stage, getting artsy, roping in the fam, and being mindful of their cultural and religious backgrounds. Remember that grief and not linear and we all approach mourning differently—it takes a lot of courage and patience to wade through these waters.
As Jordan says, “Take it easy on yourself. Heart-to-hearts can be tough, we all handle it differently.”
If you’re guiding a kiddo through the maze of grief, keep these nuggets of wisdom and strategies in your back pocket to offer them the warmest, most understanding care. Need more resources? We’ve got a list of kid-friendly books for dealing with grief here.
August is National Grief Awareness Month, so every August we release new content around coping with grief and loss. Check out our podcast episodes for more resources:
Listen and subscribe to our podcast here.
