Coming out is a super personal journey that can feel both empowering and challenging. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, and each individual’s experience is going to look different. Whether you’re thinking about coming out for the first time or have already begun that journey, it’s important to remember that you set the pace. This blog provides some helpful tips and considerations to guide you through the process. Remember, at the heart of this journey is your self-acceptance, and you deserve to take the time you need to honor that.
Here are Some Tips to Help you When Coming Out:
1. Before coming out, take the time to explore and understand your own sexuality or gender identity. Reflect on your feelings, experiences, and desires, and identify the labels that resonate with you (If you don’t find one, that’s okay too! Labels are only helpful if YOU find them helpful). Understanding and accepting yourself is an essential first step in the coming out process!
Journaling can be a great way to reflect on your gender identity or sexuality if you’re not ready to talk to someone. Here are some journaling prompts for coming out:
How do I currently perceive my gender identity or sexuality?
- Which labels resonate with me, and what is the reasoning behind them? How do I feel about labels?
What feelings arise when I contemplate my gender or sexuality?
- What emotions do I experience when I think about this aspect of my identity? Is it excitement, fear, relief, or something entirely different?
What past experiences have influenced my understanding of my identity?
- Are there particular memories or moments that have helped clarify my gender or sexual identity? In what ways have these experiences shaped my perspective?
What fears or concerns do I have regarding coming out?
- What are my primary worries about the process of coming out, and what should I do about these worries?
What excites me about the prospect of coming out?
- How might coming out positively affect my life? What transformations do I hope to see following this step?
Who in my life do I trust the most when it comes to sharing my identity, and why?
- Who are the individuals I feel most comfortable confiding in, and what makes them seem like a safe choice? How do I think they’ll respond?
What boundaries do I have regarding sharing my identity?
- What am I willing to share with others, and what aspects of my identity do I wish to keep private?
What support systems can I rely on during this journey?
- Are there specific people, communities, or resources I can turn to for encouragement and guidance?
How do I wish to celebrate and honor my identity, even if I’m not ready to come out?
- In what ways can I embrace and affirm my gender or sexuality privately or with trusted individuals?
What does self-acceptance signify for me?
- How do I define self-acceptance, and what steps can I take to fully embrace myself as I explore my identity?
2. Decide who you want to tell and when you want to tell them. Pick a time and place where you feel safe, comfortable, and supported. We recommend starting with someone that you trust, like a close friend or family member that you know will be accepting and supportive. This can give you the confidence to come out to others.
3. Be prepared for different reactions. Keep in mind that some people may react differently to your coming out, ranging from acceptance and support to confusion or even rejection. While you can’t control how others will react, you can control how you respond. Be patient and give them time to process the information, and be prepared to answer questions or address concerns they may have.
4. When coming out, be open and honest about your feelings and experiences. Use “I” statements to express yourself, such as “I’ve realized for a long time now that I’m [insert sexuality or gender identity],” and explain what this means to you. Remember though—you don’t owe anyone an explanation and it’s totally fine to have responses like: “I haven’t figured that out yet” or “Can we talk about that when I’m more ready?”
5. Be patient with yourself. Coming out is a process, and it’s okay to take things at your own pace. Self acceptance is an essential part of the coming out journey. 6. Seek out support by surround yourself with other members of the LGBTQIA+ community who can offer you guidance and encouragement. This is crucial!
Consider joining a support group or seeking therapy if you need additional support in navigating your coming out journey.
Find an LGBTQIA+ affirming therapist here.
7. Do your research. Make sure you’re familiar with your legal rights as someone who identifies as LGBTQIA+. This is especially important if you’re in an area where discrimination against sexual orientation or gender identity is a problem.
We also acknowledge that some LGBTQIA+ folks will never be able to come out due to a lack of safety and security within their community, and that is understandable. We can all continue to be allies and continue to create a more welcoming community so this becomes less common.
Setting boundaries with others
When coming out, it’s common for people to have questions about your identity, experiences, or the LGBTQIA+ community in general. While it’s natural for others to be curious, it’s important to remember that you are not obligated to answer anything that makes you uncomfortable. Setting boundaries is a crucial part of the process. You can politely decline to answer certain questions by saying something like, “I’m still figuring that out,” or “I’d prefer not to discuss that right now.” It’s also okay to ask for time and space, or to revisit the conversation when you feel more prepared. Sharing your truth doesn’t mean you have to explain every aspect of your identity—your comfort and well-being should always come first.
Final Thoughts
Coming out is a significant milestone, but it’s only one part of your broader journey of self-discovery and acceptance. While the process can be daunting, it’s also an opportunity to live more authentically and find communities that support and celebrate who you are. It’s important to move at your own pace and prioritize your well-being throughout. You are not alone in this process, and whether or not you choose to come out, there is a vibrant, supportive community ready to embrace you as you are. Remember, you are valid and deserving of love, acceptance, and happiness.
You are not alone, and there is a supportive community ready to embrace and celebrate you for who you are here at Ellie.
