At Ellie Mental Health, we believe representation matters—especially when it comes to mental health care. For LGBTQIA+ individuals, finding a therapist who understands the nuances of queer identity can make all the difference in feeling safe, seen, and supported.
We had the opportunity to ask Sunny Barkley, a therapist at Ellie, some questions about what it means to be a queer therapist, how they support identity exploration, and what advice they’d give to someone nervous about starting therapy.
What Inspired You to Work Specifically with the LGBTQ+ Community?
As a queer person, it’s always been important to show up for my community. Talking about identity, emotional health, and regulation is something I care deeply about. It felt like a natural fit to give people a brave space where people can explore who they are and feel supported in that process.
How Does Your Queer Identity Shape the Way you Show Up as a Therapist?
Being queer and neurodivergent helps me step outside of rigid assumptions. I don’t walk into sessions with preconceived ideas about how people “should” live or love. That openness helps clients feel less judged. For example, I’ve had clients navigating open relationships, and sharing that I’m a polyamorous provider has helped them feel more comfortable and affirmed. I think my queer identity is helpful in giving people that support and openness to explore.
What Should Someone Look For in an LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapist?
Look for someone who meets you where you’re at, understands your terminology, and asks thoughtful questions without judgment. A queer affirming therapist won’t try to fit you into a box, they’ll see your identity as a piece of who you are, not the whole picture. They’ll also connect you with resources and keep learning alongside you. I think that willingness is really important in a provider.
How Can Someone Tell if a Therapist is Affirming Before Booking?
Start with how they present themselves. Are they listing pronouns in their email signature or bio? Do they explicitly say they’re queer affirming? If you can, reach out and ask how they affirm LGBTQIA+ clients and what they’re methodology is. Their response can tell you a lot about whether they’re truly supportive or if the have some outdated opinions.
What’s the Difference Between a Queer Affirming Therapist and a Queer Therapist?
A queer therapist is someone like myself who identifies as part of the LGBTQIA+ community. A queer affirming therapist should be a good ally. They may not identify as queer themselves but has done the work, understands queer experiences, and actively supports the community. Both are very good– just a little different.
How Do You Support Clients Navigating Identity Exploration or Coming Out?
For identity exploration, I focus on what feels good. We talk about moments of gender euphoria—when it feels like your body is matching what you feel on the inside. Often with clients who are trying to navigate identity, we talk about times when it felt like something clicked, like wearing a certain outfit or being called by the right pronouns. From there, we follow those feelings to learn more about what fits.
Coming out is a different process. We do the identity exploration first, then we get clear on the “why”: why does this matter to you? Then we talk about the “who”: who feels like a safe person to start with? I help clients build a support network so they feel safe and loved no matter the response.
What Advice Would You Give Someone Who’s Queer and Nervous About Starting Therapy?
It’s okay to be nervous. A lot of therapists have anxiety too! You can name that nervousness out loud, and we’re here to help you feel more comfortable. You deserve to feel seen and heard, and it’s okay to take your time finding the right fit.
Are There Misconceptions About Seeing a Queer Therapist?
Some people might think queer therapists should only work with queer clients or that we’re trying to influence clients in some way. That’s just not true. I’ve spent a lot of time questioning and exploring my identity, and that gives me empathy— not an agenda. I want people to show up as their full selves, whatever that looks like.
How Can Someone Start Therapy if They’re Not Out Yet or Still Questioning Their Identity?
You don’t have to have it all figured out. Therapy can be the space where you explore those questions. Maybe you’re someone who can sort through all on these questions on your own—I wasn’t. Talking to someone with lived experience can be so overwhelmingly wonderful.
If you want to start therapy, you should. Whether it’s anxiety, identity, or just needing someone to talk to– those are good reasons to start.
If You Could Give Your Younger Self a Message, What Would it Be?
Things can be hard, but there’s nothing more relieving than being yourself. You’re going to find love and connection in friends and relationships, even if you feel lonely right now. That won’t last forever.
What Advice Would You Give Someone Interested in Becoming a Therapist?
If you’re someone who has space to give, who wants to hold emotion and help others work through it– this field needs you. It’s hard, but it’s meaningful. Be the representation you wish you had. Put the energy out that you needed as a kid.
Conclusion
Sunny reminds us that therapy is about showing up with compassion, curiosity, and openness. For queer clients, having a therapist who understands their world can transform therapy from intimidating to empowering. Whether you’re exploring your identity, coming out, or just trying to find your footing, there’s a place for you here. And as Sunny says: you deserve to be seen exactly as you are.
