You’ve picked the venue, tasted the cake, and maybe even debated over the guest list. But have you talked about how you’ll handle conflict, parenting, or finances? That’s where premarital counseling comes in.
The Importance of Premarital Counseling
Based on a study from Headway, family or couples therapy appointments have increased more than 50% year over year from January 2023 to January 2025. Many people are realizing that premarital counseling gives you the space to explore difficult topics before you tie the not. Couples get to see discuss their hopes and explore their views on things like money, raising kids, and investments in a safe, nonjudgmental space.
Divorce is the second most stressful life event someone can go through. Think of premarital counseling as relationship maintenance — a way to strengthen your foundation before stress cracks it.
As a certified Prepare Enrich Premarital Facilitator, I’ve seen the benefits of premarital counseling. It helps couples understand where they’re strong together, and what areas need more work, and builds more connection and understanding. It also gives couples a space to express how they feel about the relationship. Sometimes people don’t know how to ask for what they need.
This article breaks down what processing during premarital therapy can look like to help align the relationship and premarital counseling gives couples the chance to practice that with support.
Key Topics Addressed in Premarital Counseling
1. Communication and Conflict Resolution
In premarital counseling, we often discuss issues that arise in relationships, such as communication strategies in marriage, skills for resolving conflicts before marriage, and financial planning practices for couples, money management skills that best suit your marriage, intimacy, and spiritual beliefs. These topics can be scary for some couples to discuss and may cause conflict, but they also form the foundation of how a couple navigates life together.
We also explore things like personality differences, habits, assertiveness, avoidance, and who tends to take the lead or withdraw when things get hard. These patterns show up later in marriage if they’re not addressed early on. Spiritual alignment matters too. Whether you share the same faith or have different beliefs, it’s important to talk about what that looks like day-to-day and how it plays a role in your relationship.
2. Expectations About Children and Parenting
Parenting and planning for a family are big topics. We discuss whether you want children before marriage, parenting expectations, ideal and expected roles and responsibilities for both parents, what you’ve learned from your own families about cultivating a family, and how you handle things like discipline, step-parenting, or even exploring adoption or foster care. Married life includes considering how you balance work, rest, goals, and stress.
3. Financial Planning and Management
Financial planning is another important aspect addressed in premarital counseling. Managing finances is essential for a stable relationship, and counseling helps couples develop a shared approach to financial management.
We might also explore careers, health, hobbies, and how you view balancing career expectations with marriage. When envisioning a family together, culture is included as well. Your perspective on the world and your relationships are shaped by your values, family dynamics, and background. Couples can talk openly about those influences during premarital counseling and decide how to move forward together. These conversations aren’t always easy, but they’re necessary. When you do this work in advance, you build a relationship that can handle life’s inevitable difficulties.
4. Discussing Intimacy
We’ll look at how comfortable you are talking about your sexual needs and desires, what your expectations are around intimacy and sex, how you navigate differences in desire, and what a fulfilling sexual relationship looks like for each of you. How significant are non-sexual touch and physical affection? Finally, we’ll talk about joy, future, and celebration — like how you want to celebrate milestones and holidays, and what a successful marriage looks like to you.
Curious about what kind of professional to be talking to? Check out our article about the differences between couples therapy, sex therapy, and sex coaches here.
Common Questions Explored During Premarital Counseling
In premarital counseling, we discuss all of the kinds of issues that often arise in relationships, like your communication style, effective ways to express yourself, how you handle conflict, methods for repair after disagreements, and your relationship to money, intimacy, and the spiritual beliefs you hold. These topics are foundational to address before marriage.
Important premarital counseling questions might include:
- How do you manage conflict between work and personal life?
- How do you deal with stress or difficult situations?
- What are your health habits and expectations for self-care?
- When envisioning a family together, your culture, values, and background naturally shape the conversation.
- What are your expectations for married life?
- How do you handle disagreements when they come up?
- What are your views on finances and money management?
- What does a successful marriage look like to you?
- How do you want to celebrate milestones and holidays?
- What traditions do you want to bring into our family?
- How do you envision dividing household responsibilities?
When entering into married life, it’s crucial to talk about how you balance work, rest, goals, and stress. Rest assured that we’ll talk about your thoughts on having kids, how you envision yourself parenting, how you plan to balance time between your partner, friends, and family, and what boundaries might need to be in place with extended relatives. We’ll look at how much space you each need alone as your sense of self in the relationship matters too. Also, we will discuss how you want to grow individually and together, what trust and commitment mean to you, and how you’d like to approach major decisions as a couple. Sex and intimacy are also an important part of this whole conversation.
These questions help create vulnerable conversations to prepare a couple before marriage. Many of these questions can be found in Balanced Awakening’s guide to premarital counseling questions, which I often reference when working with couples.
Looking for ways to improve your communication? Download our conversation starters here.
Benefits of Premarital Counseling
One of my favorite parts of premarital counseling is giving my couples space to talk about what’s working, where you might need some extra need support, and how to keep showing up for each other in meaningful ways. By assessing these aspects, couples gain insight into their current relationship and can identify areas that may need attention. Moreover, the counseling sessions are tailored to the couple’s specific needs, offering targeted skills for relationship enhancement. This customized approach ensures that the guidance and skills provided are directly applicable to the couple’s unique situation.
Another significant benefit of premarital counseling is the enhancement of communication. Couples learn effective ways to communicate and listen to each other, which is crucial for resolving conflicts and maintaining a healthy relationship. Additionally, counseling provides strategies for managing and resolving conflicts constructively, helping couples constructively navigate disagreements. Spiritual harmony is also explored, ensuring compatibility in this crucial area by examining spiritual beliefs and practices. Furthermore, counseling delves into individual personalities, relationship dynamics, and family backgrounds. This deeper understanding helps couples appreciate each other’s differences and work together more effectively. Premarital counseling and couples therapy also primes couples for meaningful discussions, celebrating their strengths and using them to address areas needing growth. These deep conversations are vital for strengthening relationships before marriage.
Premarital counseling has been shown to reduce the likelihood of divorce by 31%. By addressing potential issues and building a solid foundation in communication, conflict resolution, and shared values, couples are better equipped for a successful and lasting marriage. The skills and insights gained through premarital counseling prepare couples to face future challenges together, fostering a resilient and enduring partnership.
How to Choose a Premarital Counselor
When choosing a premarital counselor, the connection to your therapist influences how safe, seen, and supported you feel throughout the process. A strong connection helps build trust, it’s hard to get to the heart of important conversations if you don’t feel comfortable. Consider whether you feel like you can be yourself around them. Do they feel grounded or like someone you can trust? Shared values, similar worldviews, or just a vibe help you feel safe enough to express yourself fully. You want someone who listens well, isn’t judging you, and knows how to hold space when you’re talking through personal things. It also helps finding marriage counseling services if they’ve are trained in a specific modality or work through something structured like Prepare-Enrich.
The right fit matters. You’ll want someone who listens, helps you both feel heard and understands how to work with the specific dynamics of your relationship. That connection makes it easier to share your truth and benefit from the work you’re doing together.
