Visit Reason - Circles of Security
Understanding what your child needs from you changes everything
Circles of Security is an evidence-based, attachment-focused approach that helps parents understand their child’s emotional needs, recognize when those needs are being met or missed, and build a more secure, responsive relationship. At Ellie Mental Health, we offer Circles of Security-informed support for families navigating attachment and parenting challenges.
What this can feel like
Parenting is instinctive in some ways and deeply confusing in others, especially when your child’s emotional needs feel hard to read or respond to.
- Not knowing what your child actually needs when they are distressed
- Feeling helpless when your child pushes you away or clings in ways you cannot understand
- Repeating patterns from your own childhood that you do not want to pass on
- Tension in the parent-child relationship that you cannot seem to shift
- A sense that your child does not feel safe enough to come to you when they are struggling
- Worry that you are missing something important in how you are responding
Some of the thoughts that can come with it:
- “I love my child but I don’t always understand them.”
- “I feel like I’m getting it wrong and I don’t know how to fix it.”
- “I grew up this way and I don’t want to repeat it.”
- “I want my child to feel secure, but I’m not sure I know how to give them that.”
Why this happens
Attachment is the emotional bond between a child and their primary caregivers, and it shapes development in profound ways. The quality of early attachment influences emotional regulation, social development, and mental health outcomes across a lifetime.
Parents bring their own attachment histories into the relationship with their child. When those histories include insecurity, trauma, or loss, it can make it harder to respond in consistently attuned ways — not because of lack of love, but because of unresolved experiences that get activated in parenting.
How Ellie makes support more accessible
- COS-informed clinicians: We connect you with therapists trained in Circles of Security and attachment-based approaches
- Non-judgmental approach: Parenting support at Ellie focuses on understanding, not criticism
- Family sessions available: Sessions can involve the parent-child relationship directly
- Telehealth available: Many locations offer virtual sessions for families
- Fit matters: We help you find a clinician whose approach and experience fit your family’s needs
Frequently Asked Questions for Circles of Security
Not sure what to expect? These are the questions people ask us before they get started.
Circles of Security (COS) is an attachment-based intervention that uses a map of children’s needs to help parents understand when their child needs support versus exploration, and how to provide a secure base for both. It helps parents recognize their child’s signals and respond in ways that build security over time.
COS was originally developed for early childhood, but attachment-based principles apply across development. Therapists can adapt the approach for older children and even adult attachment patterns.
No. Circles of Security is useful for any parent wanting to understand their child’s needs more clearly and respond more effectively. That said, it is particularly powerful for parents who want to understand and shift patterns that may trace back to their own early experiences.
It can involve both. Some COS-informed work focuses on the parent’s understanding and patterns. Other work brings the parent-child relationship into the room directly. Your therapist will help you determine what fits best.
General parenting advice focuses on behavior and technique. COS works at the level of the relationship and the child’s underlying emotional needs. It helps parents understand why children behave the way they do at an attachment level, which creates more durable and responsive change.